her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Boobs are out for the taking
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
