What did we do last night that was yellow?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
