I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize