I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
