just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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