I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
