Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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