I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
