drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
