Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
