To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
