His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
