it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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