Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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