I will die if light touches me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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