so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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