well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
