Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
