um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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