my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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