What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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