Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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