when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I touched a dick in church today
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
