How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
