Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize