weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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