I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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