I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
