he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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