I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
