I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
