there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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