It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
