before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize