What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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