He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
