Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
