I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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