So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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