I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
