Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
