she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
