Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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