You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
