I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
