And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
