Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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