Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
