i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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