Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
