my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
