I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
