it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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