This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
