is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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