guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize