I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize