Cold hands, warm shart.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize