just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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