so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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