I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
