Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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