dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
