saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
