Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
