Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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