I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
