Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i think my cat just said my name.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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