Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
