How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
