Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm both gender and math confused
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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