This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
