youre lurking in front of me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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