I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
