Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
