Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
