Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
