man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
