remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
